What is a cycle breaker?
That’s me! I am a cycle breaker and if you are, welcome to the club. It’s not a club I wanted to be a part of, but here we are. I have spent the better part of two decades healing and becoming a therapist to help others like YOU break cycles.
A cycle breaker is someone who has experienced negative family behaviors and wants to change them. Cycle breakers are not just people who grew up in abusive households, it means anyone who wants to break patterns of unhealthy behaviors, relationships or you want to change the style of parenting you had in your childhood.
When we don’t change these negative patterns, we repeat a lot of the same patterns and cycles that were modeled for us as children because it’s what we know and it’s how we learned to survive life.
As a therapist, I have seen more and more people who want to break their generational family cycles. Who wants to heal from the family pain they experienced as a child. This article delves into the concept of cycle breaking, offering insights and guidance for those seeking to make a positive impact on their own lives and the lives of others.
As children we internalize the behaviors, words, and emotions that caretakers are expressing in their presence and using that modeling to shape their own emotional reactions, thoughts, and behaviors as they learn to navigate the world.
What is a cycle breaker?
A cycle breaker is a bada** person who recognizes harmful or dysfunctional traits that have existed in their family and have discarded these behaviors and heal from the pain. These individuals then create new and healthy behaviors. This can be life changing and liberating work that unfortunately may trigger a negative response in other family members.
Understanding Generational Patterns
Generational patterns are like a family heirloom, passed down from one generation to the next. Identifying these patterns can help you understand why you behave the way you do. But also understand why your parents, caregivers and other family members behaved the way they did. When we learn why these patterns happened, we can learn to accept that we did not cause it and we learn to heal.
Generational trauma, also known as ancestral or intergenerational trauma, refers to the passing of trauma from one generation to the next. It can manifest through behaviors, beliefs, and emotional patterns passed down in families or communities, often without conscious awareness. This trauma is typically the result of significant historical events, such as war, colonization, slavery, or systemic discrimination, but it can also emerge from more personal family or community experiences, like abuse, neglect, or neglectful parenting.
Key Aspects of Generational Trauma:
Passing on the Trauma:
Trauma doesn’t just impact the individuals who experience it directly; it can affect their children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren. This transmission can occur through various means, including:
Effects of Generational Trauma:
Psychological consequences: Individuals from families affected by generational trauma may suffer from anxiety, depression, PTSD, low self-esteem, and emotional regulation difficulties.
Social and behavioral effects: This can include unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse, domestic violence, or issues with intimacy and relationships. It can also influence social behaviors like distrust, withdrawal, or hyper-vigilance.
Physical health: Some studies suggest trauma can affect physical health outcomes, with individuals from traumatized families potentially having higher risks for chronic illnesses because of prolonged stress responses.
Signs of Generational Trauma:
Repetitive patterns: You may notice recurring themes in family histories, such as substance abuse, financial instability, or mental health struggles.
Inherited beliefs: Traumatized families may hold beliefs or coping mechanisms that were adaptive at the time but are no longer serving them, such as avoiding emotional vulnerability or minimizing one’s needs.
Difficulty with attachment: In families affected by generational trauma, there may be patterns of insecure or disorganized attachment between parents and children, leading to difficulties in forming healthy relationships.
Breaking the Cycle:
Healing from generational trauma often involves acknowledging the pain of the past and taking intentional steps to change harmful patterns. A cycle breaker is like a rebel WITH a cause–they challenge the status quo and pave the way for change.*Ever been told to hush and be seen and not heard? (me too) This can be hard for family members to accept that you are changing, so this takes a lot of self compassion.
Some strategies include:
Therapy and counseling: Therapy, particularly trauma-informed therapy like Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) or family systems therapy, can help individuals and families break the cycles of trauma.
Self-awareness and emotional regulation: Building awareness of inherited trauma patterns and actively working to regulate emotional responses can help individuals make healthier choices. Self-awareness is like having a mirror that reflects your true self. By reflecting on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, you can gain a deeper understanding of yourself and why you do the things you do.
Cultural and community support: In some cases, reconnecting with cultural heritage and receiving support from others who share similar experiences can help provide healing and resilience.
Parenting differently: Conscious, mindful parenting — such as offering consistent love and support and teaching emotional resilience — can be key to breaking the cycle for the next generation.
Courage: Courage is like a superhero cape — it gives you the strength to face your fears and take bold steps towards a better future. Resilience is like a bouncy ball — no matter how many times life knocks you down, you always bounce back up.
Starting on a journey of therapy and counseling can provide valuable insights and tools to help break harmful cycles. Professional guidance can help understand root causes, developing coping strategies, and fostering healing in deeper ways.
Self-care practices
Self care is re-parenting practice. It is a space where you ask yourself, what do I need right now? And offering that to yourself without judgment. It’s YOU meeting the space of nurturing the little part of you who didn’t feel nurtured growing up. Engaging in personal development practices such as mindfulness, journaling, and self-reflection can enhance self-awareness and promote positive change. These practices empower individuals to challenge limiting beliefs, cultivate resilience, and foster a mindset conducive to breaking cycles.
Self-care in this context is not just about rest and relaxation, but about creating new patterns, setting boundaries, and nurturing emotional and mental health.
Here are some self-care tips that can help you break these cycles:
1. Develop Awareness and Self-Reflection
Journal Regularly: Write about your feelings, thoughts, and patterns you notice from past generations. Journaling can help uncover deeply ingrained behaviors or beliefs and allow you to examine how they show up in your life.
Practice Mindfulness: Develop a mindfulness practice to observe your thoughts and reactions in the present moment without judgment. This can help you recognize when you’re following old patterns and consciously choose a different path.
Therapy or Counseling: Speaking with a therapist can provide insight into inherited patterns and help you process the emotional weight of breaking these cycles. Trauma-informed therapy can be beneficial.
2. Develop Healthy Boundaries
Identify Toxic Patterns: Look at family dynamics, social pressures, or old patterns that might influence your choices. Boundaries might need to be set with family members or others who reinforce these cycles.
Learn to Say No: Saying no is an essential self-care skill. It protects your energy and gives you the space to prioritize your own needs and growth.
Distance from Toxicity: It’s okay to take breaks from family members or environments that are unhealthy. This doesn’t mean cutting them off entirely (unless necessary), but creating space to heal.
3. Practice Radical Self-Compassion
Be Gentle with Yourself: Changing generational patterns takes time and can be emotionally exhausting. Practice self-compassion when you slip into old habits, rather than being self-critical. Remind yourself that growth is a process.
Affirmations: Use positive affirmations to rewire your internal narrative. For example: “I am worthy of peace and healing,” or “I create my own path to joy and fulfillment.”
Self-Forgiveness: Let go of any guilt or shame you may feel about past behaviors. Understand that you are not responsible for the actions or trauma of previous generations.
4. Nurture Your Emotional Health
Release Old Emotions: Emotional release practices like crying, yelling into a pillow, or using art can help you express pent-up feelings and unprocessed emotions tied to family patterns.
Create Emotional Safety: Surround yourself with supportive, understanding people who encourage your growth and hold space for your healing.
Engage in Healing Practices: Activities like yoga, meditation, or breath-work can help release stored emotions and allow for emotional healing.
5. Create a Support System
Find a Community: Look for support groups or communities, either in person or online, where people are also working to break generational cycles. Shared experiences can provide a sense of solidarity and encouragement.
Accountability Partner: Find a friend, mentor, or therapist who can help you stay accountable on your healing journey. This person can help you stay focused on your goals and offer guidance when things get tough.
Educate Yourself: Read books, listen to podcasts, or attend workshops about healing generational trauma and personal growth. Education can help you feel empowered and equipped to break old cycles.
Breaking generational cycles is a profound and courageous journey, and it’s a testament to your strength, resilience, and commitment to change. The fact that you’re even thinking about it is a huge first step, one that not everyone takes. Healing starts with awareness, so just take a moment to recognize patterns that have been passed down through generations is an empowering act. It means you are aware of the impact of the past, but you’re choosing not to let it define your future. Awareness is the first step in breaking the cycle.
Remember You Are Not Alone: Generational cycles are often built on shared experiences, but that doesn’t mean they have to be shared forever. You’re creating a new blueprint for those who come after you. Every change you make is not just for your benefit, but for your children, your community, and those who will follow.
Remember, you are creating something beautiful by breaking free. Keep believing in yourself and take pride in every step you take. You are changing the future — not just for yourself, but for generations to come. You are a real Baddie!
~ With love and healing, Jennifer